Tag Archive

Tag Archives for " Fear "

An Unclaimed Secret To Investing – Exploring The Power Of Your Body’s Inner Wisdom – With Tarnie Fulloon

REW 52 | Inner Wisdom

 

How do you use the power of your body’s inner wisdom to make wise decisions when investing in real estate? To answer that, Moneeka brings in Tarnie Fulloon, the creator of Body Centered Medicine®. Tarnie’s system is all about listening to your body so you can find your inner wisdom – that feminine energy system that guides you to make wise decisions. Tarnie and Moneeka discuss how ignoring your body’s inner wisdom generates doubt and fear that cripples you. It makes you too afraid to buy a house for yourself, making you think, “Can I do this as a woman?” In this episode, Tarnie gives you tips on how you can find your body’s inner wisdom so you can make bold and wise decisions when investing in real estate. Listen to this episode and unlock your feminine energy!

Listen to the podcast here:

An Unclaimed Secret To Investing – Exploring The Power Of Your Body’s Inner Wisdom – With Tarnie Fulloon

Real Estate Investing For Women

I am excited to welcome back to our show, Tarnie Fulloon. Tarnie is the creator of Body Centered Medicine, a somatic healing practice that uncovers the messages the physical body is holding about how you think, what you feel, and who you are. Tarnie’s expertise lies in transforming pain and anxiety at a cellular level by uncovering the inner landscape for answers to body pain and symptoms, anxieties, and stuck places one feels in life. She is a healer, mentor, speaker, TEDx presenter, and budding author. She was also an Australian-trained sports medicine physiotherapist for the Australian Olympics 2020. She enjoys partnering with those committed to their healing on all levels, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, to empowering them to be grounded in their body, and lead from the inside out

Tarnie is a close friend of mine. We’ve known each other for years. I’ve had her on the show before. Some of you would know what she’s about, but I want to share with you that it’s been years when we met. I was making a transition in my life about what was going to be my next career. I was looking for my sole purpose and feminine leadership inside of me because I had been in such a male-dominated world that my feminine side had been lost in a lot of ways. Tarnie and I worked together. She brought back blissful Moneeka. That’s why I love Tarnie, her work, and I wanted to share her with you. Welcome back to the show.

Thank you, Moneeka. It’s lovely to be with you again.

Can you talk to us about this unclaimed secret, which is our body wisdom and why you think it’s unclaimed?

Thank you for having me on the show again. It’s fabulous to be with you. It’s unclaimed because most of us live in our heads. Most of us try and think things through. I call it body wisdom, but our inner wisdom lives in our body. We’ve been taught how to operate and think things through to feel it and know it’s challenging. We don’t trust that inner feeling. It’s unclaimed because most of us have self-doubt. we’re self-critical, we don’t listen, and we don’t know how to listen. We haven’t got the skills to listen deeply into the body. As you are doing life, it’s like, “I’ve got to think that through, and I’ve got to work that out now. What if I just took time and felt into it?” How you’ve experienced this, what’s in there, and what’s more deeply in it. It’s very much unclaimed for many of us.

Even those of us that have claimed it in the past sometimes, we lose track of it. That’s what had happened to me as I got off the path and needed someone to bring me back. You did that beautifully and strongly. Ladies, whether you feel like you already had that experience and need it to be more powerful or you don’t have that experience, it has such a big impact on how we make decisions in life and keeping things blissful because then you’re not pushing so hard, you’re more with the flow.

You’re staying open to the information that’s coming often. There’s always information coming, but we don’t keep that little inner radar open or we don’t trust it. It comes but we don’t grab it. We’re unaware of it at all. We are busily externalizing or looking out there. We don’t listen inside.

Could you tell us your story, how your journey began, and how it influenced what you’re doing now?

REW 52 | Inner Wisdom

Inner Wisdom: We’re so busy externalizing and looking out there that we don’t listen to what’s inside of us.

 

I’m going to start with what I’m doing now. I created Body Centered Medicine. It’s been an evolution from starting out as a sports medicine physiotherapist, doing my Master’s in Psychology and somatic training. Body Centered Medicine is about listening or developing that relationship with our body so I can listen to it. The body reflects everything that’s going on. There’s always pain, anxiety, financial issues, decisions you have to make, relationship stuff, purpose, and work. It all is present in the body. I’ve been working for many years. I’ve been on this body centered exploration journey for many years, but it came out of my own health journey.

That started when I was a child. I had severe stomach aches and a lot of allergies. One thing led to another, I eventually ended up in my twenties in a doctor’s office, not excessively overweight but in a foggy brain and not feeling good. The work I did with starting to clean up my diet at that stage. That was the first step and then starting to explore. That started cleaning up and then I started to get much more interested in the physical body was reflecting.

People were starting to share with me emotional issues or deeper issues. I thought, “There’s something here,” so I then went on to do my Psychology training. It was my exploration of myself first, then starting to notice what was happening with my clients, and then took me to where I am. I’m deeply committed to people finding that in wisdom soul voice which is related to what you brought up, the feminine energy system that we want to activate. Most people that live in our heads don’t have access to that.

I know that you and your husband are successful real estate investors yourselves. I know that you do tap into your inner wisdom for that. Talk a little bit about how you utilize that. If you don’t utilize that or if you haven’t in the past or making investments, what might those consequences have been, give us a picture of what that looks like for your investing.

[bctt tweet=”Don’t beat yourself up. Be very kind to yourself. ” via=”no”]

It was in 2009 or 2008 when the market was depressed, my husband was looking at what real estate was doing. He was aware of it and was very interested. He was looking, it went months, and he was talking about it. One day, I got this feeling. I said, “Why did I come with you and start looking at these properties?” I live in Los Angeles and this was outside of LA. “Why don’t I come with you?” I did. He was talking about everything. There was a house that he wanted to pay $40,000.

The bank said no. They’re offering it at $42,000. The house is now worth $300,000. We didn’t buy that house because he was looking at flipping. I went, “What happens if we buy rental properties?” At that moment, there’s something that came into my thought. I was like, “What if we buy rental properties?” It shifted. We bought six properties quickly because we turned it around. We didn’t have to have a lot of money then. Things were like $80,000. You didn’t have to put a lot down. It was 5 or 6.

We sold one property and we ended up buying three more. One day, I went, “This isn’t feeling right for the direction we’re going where we’re looking. It feels like we’re investing too much. We’re going to be out of pocket.” He started expanding his look. We ended up in Atlanta. We did take a plane flight in November 2020. We quickly flew over there. My intuition was like, “Let’s go there, have a look, and see what we’ve got.” We bought three houses. That’s from following this inner radar. He can do the math. He’s good at working out the logistics, which is not me, but it’s my intuition, and he uses me.

I go into an area, I feel into the area, and get a sense of what it’s like. We bought one house while we were there, but we looked around the area, then we had to come home. We have to buy the other two online. That’s because I’d already felt out the area where I didn’t trust myself. I have to be very kind to myself to not beat myself up about this. My father died when I was young. I was twenty and he left me some money. I invested in real estate in Australia. I bought a house. At that time, it was $300,000. It was expensive but we had a little bit of cash.

Most of our friends didn’t have that cash because we were all young and newly married, but I did. We were 28 when we bought that house and then I got divorced. Instead of buying him out, we sold the house. Now I know I could have taken a loan and bought him out. The $300,000 is now worth $4.5 million. The same old house when we bought the one we were living in, we could have kept it and rented out. We didn’t know. We were thinking. We were following that very logical simple, sell one house, buy the next. We didn’t know about the possibility that you could expand your other options.

What’s true is that all of us make the best decisions that we can with the information that we have. What you’re trying to say here or what I’m getting is we have knowledge. We’re limited by that knowledge unless we have other friends in this industry, doing what we are doing, or wanting to do. We don’t get the advice that might help us to expand. I do think that even if you don’t have the knowledge, if you keep yourself open, in the flow, and connected to your feminine wisdom, you also become very attractive to resources. The conversations may have come to you in those times or not. Maybe that was the best thing for you and the universe was taking care of you.

We don’t know but it’s possible that if you were a little bit more open, a little bit more connected to your feminine, or trusted it. I’m speaking for myself too because I’ve made similar mistakes. I know that knowledge is one thing, but being open to the flow and to the attraction of the resources is also a big part of success. Women have so much more access to that than men because we’re naturally the yin, which is naturally an attractor. When we look at the yin and the yang, the yang is the hunter, and the yin is the attractor. If we allow ourselves to be our natural default selves and we listen, we are the attractor, and things flow and come to us.

When I feel into what you’re saying, I realized I was in a lot of fear. I was getting a divorce, but the fear sits on. That dampens it. The fear of, “Can I do this?” The self-doubt, “I’m not sure.” I realized my fear, “I can’t do that.” I also was going to buy a house myself once I got divorced. I was too afraid to buy a house for myself. It would have been $200,000 or $300,000. Those houses are now $1 million, $2 million, and $3 million. It’s not far from here. Fear stopped me as well. Can I do it as a woman? Am I confident enough?

There’s a love that dampens that feminine natural flow. Much of it is what a picture that society has painted for us that we buy into. For years, things are opening up dramatically, but even now, if you look at the numbers for investing in real estate or investing in general, women are only about 30% to 40% of the investors. Still, many more men invest. It’s because of societal support around that. Not just in our network but also what we talk about. What’s considered interesting. I remember I was having a conversation with a cousin of mine. She and her husband want to buy a house.

They didn’t have a good down payment. We were talking about options and here mom was with us. She says, “Could we talk about something interesting, please?” I have to generalize it but I was horrified like, “Your daughter wants to do something wonderful for herself and her family and that’s not interesting to you.” Some of it is not knowing, not feeling smart enough, and not wanting to engage in something that feels out of your reach or out of your thought process. It’s the way that we have conversations. You hear men in a coffee shop and they’ll be talking about what the stock market is doing or real estate. You have women in a coffee shop and they’ll be talking about the most recent book they read, which is fiction. Not bad but it’s indicative of our focus.

My mother was very clear, “Tarnie, a man is going to look after you. He needs to make the money. He’s the one that’s going to lead.” In my first marriage, I made the money and I was the provider. I provided the house but that’s from my dad. I had the income but I somehow didn’t do that next step. It’s interesting. I hadn’t done the work.

I want to be clear. Talking about books, makeup, and fun stuff is not a bad thing. It keeps us well-rounded, feminine, and it’s great. We need to develop both sides of us. Somehow, women are in this male-dominated world but we are not taking on those male interests. We’re taking on the female interests, but we’re not plugging into the flow of the feminine. We’ve got to go deeper on both sides.

We all need support. We’re not solo. How do I have a little more support around my divorce? I was over here when I got divorced, and everything was in Australia. It might’ve been a little bit different because we all need support. This is not a solo game. That’s why your show is fabulous in creating some support around you. That’s very feminine. My husband did all the figures but he needed my support for us to do the purchases. I needed him to do the figures so I could use my intuition.

REW 52 | Inner Wisdom

Inner Wisdom: It’s very important to take time and slow down the mind. Take a deep breath and literally just find time to stay still.

 

Could you tell us three things that we can do to awaken, develop, and trust that feminine wisdom?

Slow Down The Mind

The very important one is to take time to slow down. It’s not just sitting down in the chair but slowing down the mind. The way to do that is to start to be aware of your breath in your body. Step number one is to slow down, take a breath, and find some still time. Some quiet. If we all took 30 seconds now to take a breath, sink into the chair, or wherever we are, stop what you’re doing for a minute, feel yourself, feel your breath in your body. As you do that, that starts awakening the sense of being in your body.

Deeper Listening

The second one is to develop deeper listening. As I take a moment to stop, I take my attention inside to a deeper listening inside. As I’m saying this, you might like to follow me. You take your awareness. A lot of us can take our awareness down into the heart but it’s dropping it down into the soft belly even to the lower belly. It’s sinking down or taking your breath and attention down into yourself. You want to develop that ability. What am I hearing? What am I listening inside to? As you develop that, when you get that gut reaction, contraction, or you get a little bit of a sharp jolt, you get a body signal or body reaction, you can feel the signal.

Building Takes Time

The third is building trust takes time. You don’t just trust something. Trust comes with time, practice, and positive reinforcement. By doing building trust every day, taking time to slow down, starting to feel and listen, and then getting a sense of, “Did I get a feeling about that? I could have said something else. I could have done something else. Did I get a feeling about that, and did I follow it?” You do a self-summary each day, or you might do something like, “What happened when I did follow that in guidance?” You’re looking for this inner guidance that lives inside the body.

It’s not just the emotional gut reaction because we can have that and that can belong to an inner child self or a protective self. There are all things that can happen in the body that are emotional. We’re talking about something a little bit deeper. They’re good indicators and they’ve got the information but where that inner wisdom is that deep knowing that lives through the core. They’re the three. Take time to slow down, develop the ability to slow down and breathe, be connected to your body, develop that sense of listening to the deepest self. Keep digging and, “What else is there? Is there something else?” Learning to trust that and doing a daily review of that.

A daily review will help you to feel that success and build the trust. I know that in EXTRA, we’re going to be talking about the actual elements of feminine wisdom and how to use them in real estate. Ladies, here are three tools that we can take forward. We’re going to talk more about how to utilize that feminine wisdom in real estate, specifically in EXTRA. I’m looking forward to that continued conversation, Tarnie.

This is not negating the masculine, the doing, and the thinking. Lots of us have got beautiful minds, well-developed, and we can think things through. I talk about my husband doing the figures but I’ve been in business for many years. I know how to hold things together. When we talk the unclaimed secret often is we’ve obviously got highly developed minds, beautiful hearts, and giving. This is about claiming another self that can help guide you, lead your life, and lead in investments in real estate.

Thank you so much for saying that because I’m hoping that the ladies didn’t get the impression that we’re negating, medializing, and minimizing the masculine energy. As women, we are lucky because we’ve been brought up in this masculine world. We’ve been taught how to do numbers, use our brains, be logical, reasonable, and all of those things. We’ve been taught all that. We have to live that way most of the time in the outside world but we also have the innate feminine.

Look at men, they have been taught to be masculine and their default is masculine. They have to struggle to get any access to the feminine. We get, by default and most is, masculine. We develop that, go to college, read, and do all of these things. We hear the conversations in the coffee shop but we also have this innate default feminine and all of those resources that we have access to that they don’t. If we can marry the two of them within us, we are powerful. Talk about limitless. Women are so powerful because we have access to so many resources easily.

[bctt tweet=”Women should get together because we all need support.” via=”no”]

I do feel blessed because we have access to both. They do say women need women, and men need women.

I read something where they say, “Behind every successful man is a strong, good woman,” but also, behind every strong woman is a good woman. We need each other in the community.

That supports us in staying in this feminine conversation. We need our girlfriends. We can express emotions to them and that’s a way of accessing this deeper wisdom as well.

We’re going to head into my three rapid-fire questions. Before that, can you tell us a little bit about the free gift you’re offering my ladies?

It’s developing your unclaimed secret. You can get that at TarnieFulloon.com/ReGift.

Tell us about what it is.

It will be a meditation around developing your inner wisdom. It’ll be a meditation around being more body-centered. There’s also an offer for $100 off on either one of my workshops or a session with me. You get a gift certificate as well as you get this meditation instruction on how to develop this unclaimed secret.

Is there a way for them to connect with you or contact you?

You can either email me at Support@TarnieFulloon.com. On the website TarnieFulloon.com, there’s a little thing up on the right-hand corner on my banner that says Contact Me. You can either contact me through the website or send me a direct email.

If anything is not there, missing, or whatever, you can connect with Tarnie directly.

Call me up and I’m happy to get on the call with you for 10 or 15 minutes. Have a chat, see what you need, and how I might be able to support you. If there are some questions you have around this, I’ll be happy to talk to anyone.

Ladies, let Tarnie know that you came from me. It helps her marketing and everybody so we all stay in the community. Are you ready for three rapid-fire questions?

Yes.

Tell us one super tip on how to get started in real estate investing.

Do your homework. Make sure you find out the cost whether you can afford it. What are your parameters? What’s the maximum amount that you’re willing to spend? If you’re going to buy, rent, or flip, you’ve got to do the homework, the math, and make it financially viable. To me, that is step number one. You might like the area, do this, have all feelings, and ideas but if you don’t do the math and financial, that’s one.

What would you say is one strategy on being successful in real estate investing?

Allow yourself to do the logical stuff and then move into the feeling state like, “Is this something that I want to do? Do I want to invest in this area? Is this going to be a flip or a rental?” It’s listening to the mind but then dropping deeply in and checking in with the feeling body.

What would you say is one daily practice that you personally do that contributes to your success?

Meditate. Do that daily breath connection. I do a movement practice, but something that brings me back into the grounded sense of my being into my body and it allows me to connect to that. I connect to that in and knowing every day.

This conversation has been so lovely. Thank you so much.

Thank you. I always feel privileged to talk to you and be with you. I love our conversations, whether on or off the screen.

Ladies, thank you for joining Tarnie and me for this portion of the show. Stay tuned for EXTRA. We’re going to be talking about the elements of feminine wisdom and how to utilize those in your real estate investing. That’s going to be an exciting conversation. Stay tuned for that if you’re subscribed. If you’re not subscribed but would like to be, go to RealEstateInvestingForWomenEXTRA.com. It’s free for the first seven days. Check it out. You’ll get this EXTRA as many as you can download in seven days, and then you can either stay subscribed or not. For those of you that are leaving us now, thank you so much for joining me for this portion of the show. I hope you enjoyed it. I super appreciate you. I look forward to seeing you next time. Until then, remember, goals without action are just dreams. Get out there, take action, and create the life your heart deeply desires. I’ll see you next time. Bye.

Important Links:

About Tarnie Fulloon

REW 52 | Inner WisdomTarnie Fulloon, transformational mentor, workshop facilitator, writer, and author, partners with professional women so they can make intimate relationships thrive.

For more than 25 years, Tarnie has mentored women and men to heal their intimate partnerships. She guides those who are ready to reignite their relationships by accessing the wisdom and intelligence of their bodies. Her work unleashes the magnificence of full embodiment so intimacy can flourish.

For those with physical pain, often caused by blocks in relational intimacy, Tarnie’s gentle guidance shifts them to deep relief, calm, confident vitality, and joyous aliveness. She shows women the secret of showing up for themselves first so they rekindle the sparks in their intimate partnerships.

Tarnie’s BodyFreedom™ Method helps nurture intimate relationships using her proven embodiment approach. It integrates her training as an Olympic level Sports Medicine Physiotherapist (Australia), her Master’s in Spiritual Psychology (USA), and her certificate in Movement Expression.

Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, and share!
Join the Real Estate Investing for Women Community today:

______________________________________

To listen to the EXTRA portion of this show go to RealEstateInvestingForWomenExtra.com

To see this program in video:

Search on Roku for Real Estate Investing 4 Women or go to this link: https://blissfulinvestor.com/biroku

On YouTube go to Real Estate Investing for Women

Live Fearlessly With Rhonda Britten – Real Estate Women

REW 43 | Live Fearlessly

 

Life can be tough. There will be moments where the only way we think we can cope through is by wallowing in fear and becoming the victim of what happened to us. Rhonda Britten chose the other way and decided to live fearlessly. This Emmy Award winner and master coach who has changed lives in over 600 episodes of reality television joins Moneeka Sawyer in this episode to share with us her inspiring story. Not without her own difficulties, Rhonda takes us to the worst day of her life, leading her to spiral out of control and, later on, finding her way into the person who helps others come out of the victim story, build the strength to overcome fear and take on life in a bold and fearless way. Join her in this conversation to start your way into the fearless journey of owning your power.

Listen to the podcast here:

Live Fearlessly With Rhonda Britten – Real Estate Women

Real Estate Investing For Women

I am so excited to welcome to the show our guest, Rhonda Britten. She is an Emmy Award winner, repeat Oprah guest and master coach that has changed lives in over 600 episodes of reality television. She authored four bestsellers including her seminal work, Fearless Livingtranslated into eighteen languages, and founded the Fearless Living Institute, the home of Fearless Living Life Coach Certification Program. It is considered the Ivy League of life coach training.

She was the first life coach on television in the world and appeared for three seasons as the head life coach and the hit daytime NBC show Starting Over. She was named its most valuable player by the New York Times and heralded as America’s favorite life coach, she brings the neuroscience of fear down to earth, giving you a path out of not being good enough using the “Wheels” technology she developed that saved her own life. She’s been read, heard and watched by millions, coached tens of thousands of clients, trained hundreds of coaches and wants to share all that she knows with you too. Welcome to the show, Rhonda. How are you?

I am so excited to be here. Every day is a good day to get fearless. Specifically, now is a good day to get fearless because of your topic. I love what you do.

Thank you. I love what I do too and I love what you do so we’re going to be a match made in heaven. Rhonda, tell us a little bit about you. I’d love to hear your story.

What you’re asking about is what got me here. What made me Rhonda Britten? Why me, why now, why do I get to even tell anybody about fear and how to get fearless? What gives me the right? Let me say I didn’t read it from a book even though I read a lot of books, and I didn’t learn it at a workshop even though I’ve taken a lot of workshops. The work of Fearless Living is from my own life experience and soul. As you said earlier about it saved my own life and it did.

I’m going to share the worst day of my life. It was Father’s Day. I was fourteen years old. I grew up in a little tiny town in Upper Michigan, 365 inches of snow a year, two restaurants, we’re talking little. My parents had separated. My father was coming to take us out to brunch. I don’t know about you but we didn’t grow up going out to dinner. There are three kids and two adults. There are five people. That’s a lot of people. My dad coming to take us to brunch is the biggest deal. I’m so excited because we never go out to eat. My mother made me a brand new dress. That’s how fancy it was. My mom is in her bedroom, putting on a blue eye shadow and fluffing for a beehive. My dad walks in. My sisters are fighting it out in our one bathroom.

Me, my mom and dad start walking out. My sisters still fighting out in our one bathroom. As me, my mom, and dad with my sisters still in the bathroom, go start walking out to the car. It starts raining. My dad looks at me and says, “I got to get my coat from the car.” He takes the key in, puts it in the trunk, and opens it up. Out of the corner of my eye, I see that he is not grabbing a coat. He is grabbing a gun and he starts screaming, “You made me do this,” and he fires. He shoots my mother. I start screaming, “Dad, what are you doing? Stop.”

He cocks the gun and he looks at me. I look at him and he blinks an eye. I’m 100% believe I’m next. I’m going to be dead in five seconds. My mother, with already a bullet inside of her, looks up and sees that gun in my face and screams, “No, don’t,” with her last breath. My father realized that my mother is still alive. He takes up a bullet intended for me and shoots my mother a second time. That second bullet enters my mother’s abdomen and goes out the back of her into the car horn. For the next twenty minutes, all I heard was a horn. The next second, my father cocks the gun again, drops to his knees, puts the gun to his head and fires. When I’m fourteen years old, I am the sole witness to my father murdering my mother and committing suicide in front of me.

[bctt tweet=”When you understand how fear works, life changes for you, and you can be blissful.” via=”no”]

I don’t know how you would have responded. This is how I responded. I blamed myself because I was the only one physically outside that could have stopped it. I didn’t grab the gun. I didn’t kick my father in the shin. I didn’t jump in front of my mother even. I froze there saying, “Stop dad, stop.” That day, looking back on it, I split into two. The girl who had to be okay because I grew up in Upper Michigan, Upper Minnesota, suck it up, and everything is fine. I lived most of my life telling everybody I was fine where the internal part of me, the part that split off, was anything but fine. I was so not fine.

For the next several years, I had the battle within. The outside me, straight A student, I got a scholarship to college. I’m going to be all right. The internal me that started drinking and doing things in order to distract myself. I became an alcoholic, got three DUIs and had three suicide attempts. It was a third suicide attempt that I realized I’m not very good at killing myself. I got to figure out another way. I want to preface this by saying one thing. During those twenty years of me drinking, committing suicide, getting DUIs, remember, I split into two so there was another part of me that was perfectly wonderful. If you would have met me, I would have been like, “I’m fine.”

I read and I did everything to help myself. I went to workshops, I read books. You name it, I’ve done it. I have done everything. During those years, I tried to do everything to help myself. It wasn’t until that third suicide attempt that I realized all the things that I had tried were good information. It was a good knowledge to have but it fundamentally did not change how I felt about myself. It was good things to know but in the middle of the night, I still thought there’s something seriously wrong with me. When I got home from the psychiatric ward in my third suicide attempt because that’s where they put you when you try to kill yourself three times. They take you for evaluation. I was deemed not crazy. I went home, and said to myself, “If I’m going to live, I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep living this. I have got to figure it out.”

Out of desperation, I started making exercises for myself. I thought to myself, I have to begin again. I got to go back to kindergarten. Shockingly to me, they started working. I didn’t think it was going to be for anybody but me. In fact, I was embarrassed that I had to create exercises because it seemed workshops, books, and therapy to helped everybody else but they didn’t help. I didn’t think differently of myself. I started making exercises and again, I didn’t think it was for anybody, but me and then a couple at church, chase me out one day and was like, “What are you doing?” I’m like, “What are you talking about? I’m not doing anything.” They’re like, “You’re doing something?” I’m like, “What? I’m not.”

It’s because I was embarrassed that I was so screwed up that workshops, books, and therapy didn’t help me and purge me of my negative thoughts. They kept badgering me. I’m like, “I’ll make it up in exercises.” They’re like, “Give me one.” I gave him one. The next week they came back and said, “It’s working. Can I have another one?” I’m like, “What?” That was the first moment that I was like, “Maybe this isn’t just for me. Maybe I just didn’t go through twenty years of how. This might have another purpose and another meaning.” I didn’t start teaching and coaching firm for years after that. There was no such thing as coaching when this happened.

I slowly but surely started doing the steps necessary in order to teach and coach. I was introduced to a mentor. Shockingly, Fearless Living, not only has it changed my life significantly but it has changed my clients’ lives and my students’ lives, and it’s miraculous. I’m very grateful that I had the opportunity to experience the life I’ve lived so far. People ask me all the time, “Would you rather have your parents alive or be Rhonda Britten?” I go, “Of course, I’d rather have my parents alive.” I am very grateful that I was willing, out of desperation, to do the work necessary in order to change my life.

It’s such an amazing story, Rhonda. It is true that there are so many people that will not do the work instead of being fearless or blissful to choose to wallow in the victimhood of, “Look at what happened to me.” I will say more people will do that than less. There’s a comfort zone about being the person that lived that life. Identifying yourself as that person, rather than trying to recreate who you are.

When I give a keynote, teach a class, or we’re talking about excuses, I say, “I have the ultimate excuse.” If I was an alcoholic on the side of the road, messed up somewhere, not living my life as me, or not living my true nature, nobody would say, “Poor Rhonda.” Everybody would be like, “You know what happened to Rhonda.” They would give up on me because I have a good excuse to be messed up. This is why I do what I do. It’s exactly what you’re saying right now. It takes tremendous courage for some people to get out of bed in the morning.

REW 43 | Live Fearlessly

Fearless Living: Live Without Excuses and Love Without Regret

For many years, it did me as well. It takes tremendous courage to get out of the victim’s story. I do believe that the only reason I got out of the victim’s story is because I got so desperate. I had tried so hard to change my life as well as keep my victim’s story but that doesn’t work. You have to let go and transform the victim’s story. You have to make it a victor story. You have to become victor but that takes great courage. There are a lot of people that stay in victim mode but I don’t blame them for that because we’re not taught.

We don’t understand how fear works because this is, again, why I do the work I do. I went to therapy and I did workshops but no one explained. They told me a lot of stuff but it didn’t fundamentally change my view of myself. The work that I do is I help people that feel like, “I’ve done everything. Why can’t I get this?” “I’ve done so many great things but why do I still have this it’s that?” It’s, “Why do I still or why can’t I get?” It is a new awareness, transformational and view of how fear works. Once you understand fear in the way that I do, all that guilt and shame fall off and that victim can be put to bed.

I would never blame someone for staying in that victim’s place. A lot of people are in that place and don’t even realize it because that’s not what it looks like. Victimhood comes in so many different shapes, forms, words, thoughts and all of that stuff. I don’t blame anybody. A lot of it is propagated by television, advertising, and news, all of those things which is why I don’t watch television. I’m careful about what’s around me but we can’t completely seal ourselves off from the world either and we wouldn’t want to.

We want to live fully. Building the strength to move yourself out of that is a hard thing. What’s interesting here is that your story is not the same as mine but I too have dealt with a lot of trauma. On the other side of that, I also became a coach. For me, I decided that my path was to focus on bliss, you have chosen the path to focus on fear. They’re the same but with different clothes. It’s not fear but fearless. It’s the lack of fear. Could you talk to me a little bit about why you made the choice to go that route?

That’s at the heart of what is stopping all of us. I believe that when you understand how fear works, life changes for you and you can be blissful. I’m sure that you’ve experienced people that want bliss but they keep getting tripped up. That trip is a sign that fear is in control. Also, for me, I’m committed. Let’s put it this way, for all of my life when I was going through alcoholism, suicides, etc., I never would have said I’m afraid. That’s the irony of this all. If you would have asked me if I’m afraid, I would be like, “No,” because I also think that people don’t even know they have fear and they’re being a victim.

They know that their life is stuck, they’re not doing what they want, they’re overwhelmed, procrastinating, perfectionism and anxious. That’s what they know. What they don’t know is all of that stems from fear. You can’t be anxious, overwhelmed, procrastinate, or infectious without a fear. When I understood how fear worked and it was God-given insight, it didn’t come from me, my life clicked into place. Everything was clicking.

I saw myself completely different. I saw the world differently because neuroscience says, “You can change your thoughts, feelings, values and beliefs. It’s a good exercise, but if you do not change the fundamental filter and system in which you operate out of, you will not create lasting change.” I help people move from that fear-based filter which they don’t even know they have to one of freedom such as bliss so that they can shift at because there’s no getting rid of fear. It’s part of our neurobiology. If you don’t understand how fear works, fear will always win and it’ll always trip you up. For me, fear is the fundamental building block of a blissful and fearless life. Without it, you’re going to keep getting stopped by it.

I have a thought around fear because this is the question that I get a lot because I talk a lot about fear in my work too. You’re right, it is foundational. Some people will say to me, “Fear is here to help us to survive. It’s a natural, good thing.” If I see a fire, fear is what makes me not put my hand in the fire. If I see cars whizzing by, fear is what makes me not jump in front of a car running across the street. Let’s talk about that. The fear that’s healthy, real, and serves us and then the fear that you’re talking about.

[bctt tweet=”If you don’t really understand how fear works, fear will always win.” via=”no”]

You’re talking about two different fears. You’re talking about fears instinctual to stay physically alive and we’re talking about emotional fears. I coined the term emotional fears because there was no way to describe the fears that I was talking about every day. When people talk about the whizzing traffic and the hot stove, that is instinctual, physical survival. That is physical fear. What I’m talking about and I’m sure what you talk about is emotional fears like fear of rejection, failure, inadequate, incompetent, worthless, being a loser, being stupid and being selfish. People get caught in like, “Isn’t fear good?” Yes, fear is good but if you do not know how to identify when anger is being used in fear versus freedom because anger in and of itself is neutral.

All feelings, beliefs and values can be used in service to fear of freedom. Everybody wants to have integrity. It’s one of the biggest goal like, “You have so much integrity. You’re so authentic.” A lot of people use the value of integrity through the lens of fear. If you have integrity and you’re in freedom, you’re flexible even though you have integrity. You can renegotiate. You can put your needs forward but people that use integrity out of fear, which is many people, is very rigid. They say things like, “I said I was going to do it and I’m going to do it, no matter what.”

Integrity is superseded like fear has danced with integrity. They’re using integrity as a positive but in reality, it’s fear-driven. What I always say there is no such thing as negative feelings. One of my clients said to me, “When my husband came home, he’s so negative.” I’m like, “What did he say?” “He was telling me about some guy at work that having a heart attack. I told him to quit being so negative.” I go, “That’s not negative. That’s information.” People have confused this whole conversation of what’s negative and positive. The frame needs to change to fear of freedom. We have this whole negative and positive. It’s so limiting and false. It keeps us trapped.

Talk to me about this whole concept of “I’m not good enough” that you address quite a lot.

I am not good enough as we know, from a spiritual perspective, that’s an illusion. We know that logically. We can understand that yet. It feels real when we’re feeling it. When I feel I’m not good enough, I feel it. One of the things that I work with my clients on is separating themselves from the feeling and all of the work out there that’s like, “Feel it.” It’s like, “No.” I could go on and on with feelings. There are people like, “You have to go with the feeling tone.” If you do not have awareness of where that feeling tone is coming from, you are going to be courting a feeling tone that is going to get you in places that is not good for you. That is fear-based even though it looks like it’s not.

What’s that healing tone mean?

For instance, there’s a lot of teachers out there that are like, “Go with the positive feeling tone. Get into the feeling. Let the Law of Attraction work.” It’s like, “Get into the feeling. Be the feeling. Feel the car in your hands.” That’s awesome. There is no problem with that, but if you’re driven to Law of Attraction and you want to get the car because the car is a status symbol, it’ll make you feel better, and you think you’re worthy of the car, you’re being attracted to the car out of fear. People don’t know that. They’re courting a feeling that they think is positive but it’s fear-based.

REW 43 | Live Fearlessly

Live Fearlessly: Your victimhood comes in so many different shapes, forms, words, and thoughts.

 

When I talk about people not feeling good enough, one of the things that I work with people on is separating themselves and having the awareness of how fear shows up in their life versus how freedom shows up in their life. I give people a little quiz and I ask them to rate themselves because again, as I said earlier, most people don’t even know they’re afraid. I am not good enough is an illusion. It’s a lie or fear. By the way, fear is smart. It is as smart, educated, spiritual and knowledgeable as we are. If you have evidence because excuses need evidence to make them excuses, fear takes that excuse and evidence and makes it real. You believe that you’re not good enough you because you have evidence to point to.

If you have evidence to point to, you believe the evidence because it’s right there. You’ve had three people say something, you failed three times or you have these two things happen and it’s clearly true and it feels true. What I want to do is help my clients separate from the feeling versus what freedom is. I want to have them separate those feelings, thoughts, and behaviors and choose freedom which is going to feel uncomfortable and not be something they want to do which they want to do intellectually but they don’t want to go through it. It’s like, “You got to go through the eye of a needle.”

I always say, my job and I’m sure your job is, “I hold your hand while you’re going through it. You’re not alone.” It’s not as scary as you think when you have the support and the tools that will help you get there. You need to see some guidance. My clients and my students are apprentice. I’m apprenticing them. I’m going to teach them how to be fearless as I’m sure you do as well. I’m not good enough as an illusion and the minute you believe that, fear wins.

I want to sit in everything you say for minutes and take it in. Let’s talk a little bit about this whole thing like you were saying about your client that, “My husband is so negative.” This has happened to me too. There are people that I love in my life that every single time I talk to them, they’ve got something to say that feels bad to me. They have some political spouting that they feel they need to do or they’ve got some complaint about that person. I’m like, “That’s all they do.” I would say those people are complainers and they’re negative. I want to spend as little time as possible as I can with them. I try to have as much compassion as possible but they feel negative. How do you deal with those kinds of people?

I don’t see them as negative. I see that they’re hanging on for dear life trying to find connections through their fears. Are they complaining? They might be complaining but people complain for connection. If you listen to complainers, they’re advertising their fears. They’re telling you what they’re afraid of. If you talk about the fears rather than the complaint, the conversation has an opportunity to change. Do you have to stay in a relationship with people that aren’t your cup of tea? No, but I do want my clients to have the skill to go to a family event. Their uncle is there and doesn’t believe what they believe or grumpy, old and complaining all the time.

I want them to be able to look at that uncle, love them to pieces, be able to be in somebody’s presence and recognize that the person itself is not flawed. The person who’s complaining that is “negative” is for you to see them and to give them empathy, compassion and innocence. That’s what they are crying for. The more that you can see their innocence, listen to anything in anybody and be completely sending love, innocence and connection then you do know who to hang out with and who not to hang out with. I’m not saying hang out with all those people that are complainers but I also believe that complainers, not everybody are doing it to be heard.

Can you hear what they’re saying underneath the words? Not label them negative. Anytime you call somebody negative, it writes them off. That’s not what you do because you give them compassion. I’ll preface this again by saying I am not saying you have to be in a relationship with abusers, betrayers, and people that reactivate your trauma every day. No, I do not want that for you. I also want you to have the skill of knowing what’s happening rather than you running. I don’t want my clients to hang out with their trauma abusers, the perpetrators. I want them to be awake to what’s going on underneath the surface like what’s really happening so that they don’t get caught in it themselves and keeping themselves afraid.

It’s very empowering to know that you can walk into any room and handle almost any conversation. Even if you don’t want to engage in that conversation, you can still have compassion. It’s a very empowering, uplifting filter, as you might call it, to see people asking for help rather than trying to offend you.

[bctt tweet=”Enough is an illusion. It’s the lie of fear.” via=”no”]

I love that you brought this up because having fearless conversations is one of the superpowers I have and one of the things I teach my students because not only do I want you to be able to go to a room and have a conversation with anybody but I also want you to be able to say, “No, thank you,” as well. Be able to be like, “That’s not happening.” Your no is as powerful as your yes. One of the things that I say all the time is, “If you can say no, your yes is meaningless.” If you don’t have permission to say no or yes for any question or invitation asked, then you are being driven by fear.

I’m not talking about your high school reunion where you’re like, “I’m going. Yes, I want to go.” That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about if somebody asks you to do something and you’re like, “I better do it,” out of guilt and shame. If you’re doing something out of should, you haven’t put through the filter of what if I say no or yes and made a choice to say yes, then you are being a victim of circumstances. You’re being driven by fear. We all do that all day long. One of the exercises I give to my clients is keeping track of their shoulds every day. It’s shocking to them because they had no idea how everyday decisions were increasing their fear and powerlessness.

What came up for me around that is how much we should on other people too. We don’t feel we have a choice of yes or no then we expect others to be okay with not having a choice of yes or no. The more that you allow your own freedom, choice and power, you can then open yourself up to be that person for the people around you and then everybody expands. Love can be so much more intense, beautiful and learning expansion business, all of those things.

I’m so grateful that you said that because that is true.

I feel like we could talk forever. We’re soul sisters, Rhonda. We do have EXTRA. Rhonda and I are going to be sharing more in EXTRA. She has an interesting thing that she wants to share with you that’s called the Control or No Control Process. Could you tell us a little bit about that?

Let’s say that I had an actor come to me once as a client who said to me, “Acting is luck. I can’t seem to get any lucky breaks.” In acting, we all heard that like, “It’s a lucky break.” All the exercises that I create are either myself-generated because I need it and/or client-generated. One of my superpowers is creating unique individualized, personalized exercises is to help people truly transform in a matter of quick minutes. In that moment, he’s sitting in front of me and I’m like, “I’m going to make up this exercise.”

What it does is when you go through the exercise and when you do the follow-through, you will no longer have that feeling of powerlessness or that “should” feeling. You’re going to take your power back. You can finally get through uncertainty. You can get through the unknown and what ifs. All of those things that stop us from making decisions or makes us feel that life isn’t fair. The control, no control exercise is also going to take away that fear like, “They got something that I didn’t,” “I need a lucky break. If I was raised them then my life wouldn’t be this.” All of that conversation of powerlessness, frustration and insecurity, you’re going to see it through a very different lens and I’m going to give you some things to do so you can move from that place whenever you feel it into a different arena.

That’s going to be amazing. That’s coming up in EXTRA. It’s so awesome. Rhonda, how can people get in touch with you?

REW 43 | Live Fearlessly

Live Fearlessly: If you do not change the fundamental filter and system in which you operate out of, you actually will not create lasting change.

 

Go to FearlessLiving.org. I do have a free gift if I may.

Please share.

Go to FearlessLiving.org/Risk. When you go there, you’re going to see a page for an exercise called Stretch, Risk Or Die that will take your to-do list. That procrastination and perfectionism. Why don’t I get this done? You get your ten things on your task list and you do 1, 2, 3, skip 3 and 4, do 5, 6, 7, skip 8. Those 3, 4, 8, you put to the next day and you keep on skipping them. I’m going to show you what’s behind that skipping and what to do instead. I’m going to start you on the fearless journey of taking your power back so that you can take Stretch, Risk and Die in your life because that’s how you’re going to get comfortable in your own skin and take your power back.

I knew that when we were talking about it. As you said, this is the ultimate cure for procrastination.

It is the absolute, actual cure. You going to put your to-do list on its ear. The way you think of your goals and dreams you have for your life, you’re no longer going to think of them as a task list. You’re going to think of them through a different lens. You’re going to think about them through the emotional risk it takes because every action and new thought you have has an emotional risk to it. You’re not doing things in procrastination, perfectionism, overwhelm or anxiety because you’re not awake to the emotional risk it takes.

This exercise is going to show you how to take worksheets in there for yet. It got everything for you. It’s a very quick class. It’s three videos, fifteen minutes each so you’ll be able to have worksheets. The third video talks about the wheel of fear which is the core of my work. You’re going to see a little preview of that and it’s going to give you space to get off your back and quit beating yourself up about not doing things when you think you should.

The link for that is BlissfulInvestor.com/FearlessYou. Go get that amazing gift by Rhonda. Thank you so much for that. That is so generous.

You’re welcome. It’s my pleasure.

[bctt tweet=”Success is based on your ability to live in uncertainty.” via=”no”]

Rhonda, are you ready for our three rapid-fire questions?

Yes.

Give us one super tip on getting started investing in real estate.

Number one thing, you must be worth your future. You must decide that you’re worth your future because investing is a short versus long game. It’s a long game. Short-term thinking is based in fear. You’ve got to decide that you are going to make yourself worthy of long-term investment because you are worthy of success. You are worthy because fear no longer plays with you because you’re going to do Stretch, Risk Or Die and you are going to know what to do.

Give us one strategy on being successful in real estate investing.

Nothing is going to happen on your timeline. If you can embrace the uncertainty of success, you will be successful. If you are looking for certainty in success, you will never be successful. You might have one hit there. You might be randomly successful, but success is based on your ability to live in uncertainty. When you can live in uncertainty, you can then have the freedom to take the risks necessary to get where you want to go in the timeframe you want to get there per se. Success is never going to happen on your timeline.

By the way, I’ll tell you one other thing, a bonus tip. What you think success is now will transform in the future. I don’t want to say nothing as you think but trust me, it is going to be better than you can imagine. What I imagined my life would be 25 years ago when I started, I could never have imagined where I am. Your imagination is less than what’s possible for you. You keep following the breadcrumbs of your imagination and your desires. Remember, uncertainty is the skill that you must embrace in order to be successful.

I have to say that I feel exactly that same way because I tell my husband all the time, “How did we get here? We never could have planned for this. We could never have imagined. This life is so much bigger than we could have ever dreamed up.” Thank you, we stayed open for that.

REW 43 | Live Fearlessly

Live Fearlessly: All feelings and beliefs can be used in service to fear of freedom.

 

It takes courage to be open. People have this timeline and it’s like, “You don’t understand.” Timelines are nice. It’s good to have goals and dreams but they’re loose structures. If you make them your God, savior, and answer, you’re missing the point.

What would you say is one daily practice that you use that contributes to your personal success?

Acknowledgment is critical in the world of Fearless Living and there are so many. We have a daily practice of three things a day every day. Acknowledgment is my number one. Acknowledgment in the world of Fearless Living is “I acknowledge myself for” and you acknowledge yourself for any stretch, risk or die that you take during the day. That stretch, risk or die might be a new thought, new feeling, or new action but being willing to embrace that changes everything. Acknowledge yourself now. “I acknowledge myself for,” I got to write it down, five a day, and you will start recognizing your confidence increase within three days. I promise you that.

That’s beautiful, amazing stuff. Thank you, Rhonda.

You’re welcome.

Ladies, thank you so much for joining Rhonda and I for this portion of the show. I’m looking forward to what we’ve got coming up. In EXTRA where we’re going to be talking about control versus no control. Stay tuned for that if you are subscribed to EXTRA. If you’re not subscribed for EXTRA but would like to be, go to RealEstateInvestingForWomenExtra.com and you get the first seven days for free. You get Rhonda’s EXTRA. You can get as many as you can listen to in seven days. Check it out and see if it’s for you. If it is, you can stay with me and if not, you got a lot of good content. Thank you so much for reading this blog. I look forward to seeing you next time. Until then remember, goals without action are just dreams. Get out there, take action and create the life your heart deeply desires.

Important Links:

About Rhonda Britten

REW 43 | Live FearlesslySpecialties: Top of the talent pool for changing lives through the mediums of television and radio. World-Class Speaker. Founder of “Ivy League of Life Coach Training” Life Coach Certification Program and Fearless Living Institute. 4x Bestselling Author. Named Coach of the Year. Teaches Advanced Coach Training @Fearless Conversations Workshop.

Rhonda Britten – Emmy Award-winner, Repeat Oprah guest, Huffington Post Contributor and Master Coach – has devoted her life to one thing: to teach people how to master fear.

Whether that’s a fear of rejection or loss; fear of failure or success; fear of abandonment or pain, she brings the neuroscience of fear down to earth giving you a path out of “not being good enough” using the “Wheels” technology she developed that saved her own life. What she teaches is what she’s lived.

Rhonda was the first Life Coach on reality television in the world on the first-show of its kind, Help Me Rhonda. Next, Rhonda changed lives on the hit NBC reality show Starting Over and named its “most valuable player” by The New York Times and heralded as “America’s Favorite Life Coach.” To date, Rhonda has altered lives in over 600 episodes of reality television that aired in more than 25 countries and impacted millions worldwide.

Media list includes: Today Show, Good Morning America, New York Times, Sunday London Times, Good Housekeeping, USA Today, Bill O’Reilly Show, etc.

Rhonda is a recipient of the “Coach of the Year” Award and keynoter for organizations such as; Southwest Airlines, Blue Shield of California, Northrup Grumman and many more.

Her “Life Coach Certification Program” is considered the Ivy League of Life Coaching Training. She also hosts Train-the-Trainer Programs using her work as the foundation to educate the world.

Rhonda’s four books include her bestselling Fearless Living, Change Your Life in 30 Days, Fearless Loving and Do I Look Fat in This.

Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, and share!

Join the Real Estate Investing for Women Community today:

To listen to the EXTRA portion of this show go to RealEstateInvestingForWomenExtra.com

To see this program in the video:

Search on Roku for Real Estate Investing 4 Women or go to this link: https://blissfulinvestor.com/biroku

On YouTube go to Real Estate Investing for Women

——————————————————
Learn how to create a consistent income stream by only working 5 hours a month the Blissful Investor Way.
Grab my FREE guide at http://www.BlissfulInvestor.com